Want to be Frienzzas???

Seeking human kindness and maybe a Friend or maybe not???? Still figuring this out, but here it goes anyway.

I have been feeling of late, that maybe this is the right timing for me to have a new friend in my life. This may come as a surprise to most of the people that know me. The truth is, a couple of friends walked away when I married Sam. I still miss the friendship I had with my bestie, but recognize also that others had a hard time with the loss of Trevor, and may have saw my relationship with Sam, perhaps as a betrayal of Trevor in some way. The truth is, I understand this, and can accept it. I am at peace. A couple friends walked away when we could not share the same opinion of our beliefs.

The loss of my late husband Trevor of 26 years, menopause, and caring for my beautifully amazing step-daughter, exasperated my Inattentive ADHD, which I didn't even know I had until 2 years ago, and my ability to 'mask' it, which I recognize brought out personality traits that I have, that to some of my friends, seemed over the top, weird, and out of character for me and well....you guessed it.....those friendships could not be sustained. I also chose to walk away from a couple of friends, as I felt that these were friends that had come into my life and me into theirs as a season, and not for a lifetime. I am known for my love of horses, but at this time, my heart and body are not connected currently, making this part of my life something that I want experience alone. Occasionally my weird sense of humour does not resonate with some people. I get this....at my age I am not willing to change, another trait that did not resonate with some friends. I have changed. After the loss of Trevor, I became someone different, but also am someone I am really coming to like. Go me; it is about time Michelle Maybe you won't like me, and that is ok too, maybe I won't like you either . There I go again with my honesty, a personality trait that I actually treasure in myself. If you can't handle it, I am not the friend for you....and we will just remain to be frienenimies.

But here is why ADHD people, like myself also make great friends. We have personality traits that many neurotypical people do not. We are:

Honest: Many of us with ADHD can be blunt and express our thoughts and opinions regardless of how others think or feel about it. This is me, and I am not apologetic for it. This should be seen as a positive trait because you won’t have to worry about me lying or deceiving you. Sometimes, even my hot husband can't handle me.

We are Funny as F@ck!!: We will either have you laughing your a$$ off, or have you cringing because we have a unique sense of humour. This is also me.

We are highly empathic: but also have a strong sense of Justice, and this is why sometimes it is important to be on the same page with some of our beliefs. Me again.

So here it is.....if we know each other, but have not yet had the opportunity to hangout, but you might be in the market for a new friend.....hit me up. Must not believe that men can become women or visa versa. This is me showing you that I am blunt. You could be the greatest friend ever, but if you don't agree with me on this, you and I will spend most of our time in heated discussions, and I am so educated in this area, that I worry you will end up feeling dumb, and I never want to make my friends feel dumb, because I am far to empathic to handle this. I like afternoon get togethers (I have a morning routine that irritates me if I can't complete it before continuing on with the rest of my day lol) in coffee shops, except I hate coffee, but like tea and love Diet Pepsi. If you are not much of a talker, I am always up for a movie, cheesy or otherwise, but will close my eyes and plug my ears multiple times through a horror flick, but will go to them anyway, because I do not mind supporting things that other people like to do. Getting together at a restaurant is something I enjoy also, because it gives me the opportunity to eat Pizza, and flare up my Celiac disease, which I am perfectly ok with, because Pizza is the second best love of my life, next to my Hot Husband, and because Gluten Free Pizza Crust Tastes like ShIT! I don't mind stepping into volunteering on occasion for charities that pull at my heart strings if this is something you like to do with a friend. Working with Seniors, the homeless, decorating smile cookies, Santa's anonymous, sharing my heart to others about love and loss, sexual assault and abuse, walking dogs at shelters, would top list of things my empathic heart feels drawn too. If you message me for a trial hangout, and I don't respond immediately, understand that I am currently running on ADHD time, and for females this means we might need to check our schedules to see when it is a good time to respond, mark it in our Calendars, and hope that on the day, we are not in ADHD paralysis, and unable to respond. Unmasked ADHD y'all can be rough. But I promise you, I will respond, even if it just to tell you, that I feel like I am not quite ready yet for a new friend...... If you can't handle this.....we just can't be friends, and shall remain FB Friends forever...... unless of course you believe that men can become women.

Thank god these changes in me didn't happen in my teens. I can't even imagine what my teen life would have looked and felt like if I wasn't capable of masking. 55 years later, and a ton of lived experiences, has enabled me to work through some tough stuff, and come out the end of it......a normal person. lmao

After writing all of this, I have come to realize, that maybe I am not ready for a new friend yet, or maybe I am just recognizing that there is nobody ready for all of this, and I currently have a lot of all of this going on, being so fabulously curvy and plus sized <I am currently running my hands up and down my body as you read that last remark I made, just so you have a visual to go with my words> Live your life always in love and laughter - Michelle or call me Beth Dutton - depending on how you resonate with everything I have said here.