The Hidden Dangers of Therapy: How It's Affecting Our Children and Families
- aczotic
- Oct 29
- 7 min read
Updated: Nov 6
As a parent, I always thought therapy was a safe place for kids facing emotional challenges. I imagined it as a sanctuary where they could express their feelings, learn coping strategies, and heal. However, my view changed drastically after witnessing the unexpected effects of therapy on my own child and our family relationships.
In this post, I will share my story and discuss how therapy can sometimes cause harm to children and even fracture family bonds.
The Initial Hope
When my step-daughter first started therapy, I felt a surge of hope. I pictured a nurturing environment where she could explore her feelings and acquire tools to handle life’s complexities. I truly believed that therapy would help her thrive.
But as the sessions continued, I started noticing alarming changes in my child. She became more withdrawn and began expressing her anger and resentment towards our family; towards me. This shift in behavior made me question what was happening during their sessions.
The Shift in Dynamics
It was shocking to see how therapy seemed to drive a wedge between her and I. Conversations that once flowed naturally became tense and fragmented. My child frequently returned from therapy with new perspectives that challenged our family values and traditions. She started expressing her struggles through the narrative of "blame first".
An example of this is recently my step-daughter stated that me expressing to her the kindness I have shown her, all the help I have given as a reminder of how much I have cared and loved her; is me having a "hero complex". According to her....all of the good deeds I have done do not erase all the hurt I have caused her. I understand her hurt, but I am struggling to see the role of "blame" she has been directing at me the last year and a half. It seems that she has somehow forgotten that she came into my life, at the age of 12, complete strangers to each other <I had no obligation to take her into my care. I was not at the time living with her Bio-Dad. We were friends, and 6 months previously I had lost my husband of 26 years to brain cancer>. I took her in because I cared, sometimes I care too much. She was being removed from her bio-mom's home, a child of sexual abuse from the age of 7 to 8 by a family member, and a child of physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect from bio-mom her whole life. On top of this abuse she has experienced, she came into my care having an eating disorder, self-harming, with suicidal ideation, and came to believe at one point that she was a boy born in a girls body.
The Role of the Therapist and Trauma Specialist
As I began to look closer at the situation before me, I started questioning her Trauma Specialist's role. While I knew they intended to help my child, it seemed to me they were intentionally fostering division.
The Trauma Specialist she is seeing encouraged my child to express their emotions, which I initially viewed as a positive development. However, it became clearer that this encouragement sometimes led to a lack of respect for parental authority. My child began seeing me as an obstacle and an abuser rather than a supporter, making it hard for us to connect.
Some of the most damaging narratives parents are battling today aren't coming from our children. They're coming from professionals who were trained to think this way. Trained in systems that normalize parent blaming to label everything, and over pathologizing normal family discomfort as abuse and trauma. And now they're on social media even preaching to kids that if their mom said no and doesn't agree with their behavior it means "emotional manipulation." These two words are words that my step-daughter used on me just today. Our children are being taught that if a parent makes a decision, as parents should, that this means that their parents are controlling. And to parents they are saying, "If your child cuts you off, "it's probably your fault".
The Impact on Family Relationships
The emotional toll on our family has been significant. A step-sister who she came to share a close bond with became hurt with her actions and reactions towards me, and family gatherings have become noticeably tense.
These therapy sessions with my step-daughter's Trauma Specialist has created a sense of “us against them,” where my step-daughter feels she is aligned with the Trauma Specialist against the rest of her family.
I now find myself questioning whether therapy and this Trauma Specialist are genuinely helping or causing more harm. The very approach meant to heal our family is tearing us apart.
The Pressure to Conform
Another troubling aspect is the pressure my child feels to meet the Trauma Specialists expectations. She has adopted phrases like “toxic relationships”, "emotional manipulation", and “setting boundaries,” often in a manner that dismisses our family’s history, culture and values.
I have enough experience with therapy and therapists, having been in therapy myself over the last 6 years, and as such, I can see how comments therapists make, can be twisted to lay the blame onto parents, instead of teaching our children to take accountability and responsibility for their own actions and decisions. Therapy has forced my child to view our family negatively, instead of recognizing the complexities in our relationships.
The Consequences of Labeling
Perhaps one of the most alarming aspects of therapy was the labeling. My child was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, Inattentive ADHD, and a dissociative disorder, which I recognize these as serious issues. Yet, I began to see these labels were shaping how they viewed themselves.
Instead of seeing themselves as a whole person with strengths and weaknesses, my child defines themselves primarily by their mental health struggles, with the blame for these struggles being laid at my feet. This labeling not only has harmed her self-esteem, but also affected her interactions with others, especially with me, creating distance within our family. These labels are now being used against me, in the way of telling me, "I should have known better". How would I have known, after all I am not a therapist or a trauma specialist!
Seeking Alternatives
After several challenging months, I have began exploring alternatives to traditional therapy for myself. I am focusing instead on holistic approaches that prioritize communication and understanding over division and labeling.
My step-daughter turned 18 in August this year. I can no longer help her, and I fear she has been lost to the system, that I once saved her from. The battle that ensued to save her from Therapists, and Doctors who were willing to take her from me and put her on testosterone, I would describe today as what I believe being in hell would feel like. One of her psychologist, a lady I actually admire still to this day, a psychologist my step-daughter came to believe "wasn't helping her", told me two years ago, "Michelle, I want you to know that you may not be able to save her; and it is not your job. Your job is only to love her". This is something I could do, and still do. My daughter traded this psychologist for a "Trauma Specialist" with no training in ADHD or Disassociative Disorders, and no training in "real" therapy, and this is when things really took a turn for the worst for our family. My daughter found this Trauma Specialist from a recommendation by her 17 year old friend. My step-daughter has told me, "This trauma specialist is amazing. She picks me up from home, and takes me out for supper, and she pays for it; and she has done more to help me than anyone else has"; discrediting years of work I have done, her Dad has done, and other accredited psychologists and psychiatrists that I have fought for years to get her in front of.
The Importance of Family Unity
Throughout this journey, I learned that family unity is vital for children’s emotional well-being. While therapy and trauma specialists can be beneficial for some, it is essential to be aware of the potential harm it can cause to children and family relationships.
I discovered that cultivating a supportive home environment—where open communication is welcomed—can be as effective, if not more so sometimes, than traditional therapy for some families.
Reflection on the Therapy Experience
In summary, while therapy can offer valuable support for children facing emotional challenges, it is crucial to recognize the potential dangers it poses to family dynamics. It is crucial to know to whom you are trusting with the emotional care of your child. My personal experience dealing with multiple therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors and specialists has shown me that therapy and mental healthcare is not a one-size-fits-all solution, and not everyone, despite the letters that come after their name, can be trusted with the important task of helping your child navigate years of abuse and trauma, and support their emotional needs.
As parents, we must remain attentive to the impact that therapy, therapists, doctors and specialists can have on our children and families. By prioritizing open communication and family unity, we can create a nurturing environment that supports our children's emotional growth without the unintended consequences that therapy and these people can sometimes bring.
It may be too late for our family, but I hope that by sharing my story, other families can reflect on their experiences and make informed choices about the role of therapy in your lives.
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