THE PIZZA PRINCIPLE

I think I am reasonable person. I make informed decisions in my life based on a playing the great game Rock, Paper, Scissors. If you are not making informed decisions in your life this way, you are definitely missing out. But what is one to do when you are having to pick a side on some of the world’s most polarizing debates, like "What makes a Pizza, well, a Pizza? This is something that shouldn’t even be a debate, yet people throw the title around so loosely that the definition of pizza is losing its sanctity. 

Saying you like pizza could mean that you like pepperoni or cheese or a combination of chicken and jalapeños, or it could mean you like a crunchy flatbread with a salad piled on top. They say that can be pizza, too! And this isn’t to say that pizza isn’t awesome. I love pizza. But it is a pretty broad and flexible category. If you can have white pizza with no sauce, and you can have pizza with no cheese, or pizza on a crust made of crushed up cauliflower, it’s pretty hard to define what isn’t pizza.

A place called Quality Italian in New York City tries to call its wannabe a “pizza” when it replaces the entire crust with deep fried chicken. So-called breakfast pizza comes in all shapes and flavours, but often replaces tomato sauce with something like eggs or butter. And don’t even get me started on the idea of a dessert pizza by popular ice cream and restaurant establishments, which is just their flagship dessert product moulded into the shape of a pizza.

This is all insulting to a pizza consumer, like myself. We can easily use cold hard facts to squash any debate, and we don't even need a game of rock, paper, scissors; and unequivocally decide when a pizza should be called a pizza. We don’t have to look any farther than the dictionary. No matter which dictionary you choose to use, you will always see three key ingredients in the definition of a pizza: dough, tomato sauce and cheese. Look, I don’t make the rules, I just follow them. Sometimes the truth hurts, and the reality is, that it’s hard to argue with a dictionary definition.

In order for something to be called a pizza, it must have dough, tomato sauce and cheese. And if you swap out one of those ingredients, then you better start calling it “pizza-like”, or true pizza lovers of this world, like myself, will come knocking at your door. What makes a good pizza is a perfectly baked dough, a delicious tomoto sauce, and some classic toppings, and of course CHEESE; lots and lots of CHEESE!

When I don't feel like eating Pizza, my favorite "pizza-like" food is the Royal Hawaiian, exclusively made at all Boston Pizza restaurants! It looks a lot like a pizza, Boston Pizza calls it a pizza; but it is not a pizza, and it definitely does not eat like a pizza. I have introduced this "pizza-like" food to many family and friends, and we have all agreed, it looks similar to a pizza, but it does not taste anyting like a pizza.