OUT FOR DELIVERY

I have had a strained love hate relationship with Facebook for years now. During the 20 years I have had an account with the social media giant, I have used the platform to propel my businesses, market and sell my horses, connect with amazing like minded people in the horses industry, stay connected to friends who have moved away, used the platform as an activist, shared my love for my late husband, and his passing, and I even used the platform to help me write my best selling book "Incurable." I have been put into Facebook jail more times than I can count, and had my personal page deactivated a couple of times. For some reason I have always ended up crawling on my knees, begging for Zuckerberg to take me back. And he always does. The last two months, while on yet another deactivation, I won't be crawling back. I am like a pizza out for delivery that never finds its way to the hangry customer. Facebook doesn’t know when it’s causing its users distress. The company doesn’t care about people any more than our current Canadian Government cares about its citizens. After all, this is the company that was founded to rate female college student’s faces. Integrity from the very start.

So What’s Wrong With Facebook Anyway?

Facebook can sometimes fuel the worst parts of me. It breeds my disappointment in humanity. Daily I found myself needlessly scrolling through my feed. I couldn’t help but grow bitter over the constant consumerism marketing and the indoctrination of minor children into Gender Ideology. I couldn't help but feel overwhelming sadness and often anger, as I scrolled through pages of posts encouraging minor children to "transition", and knowing that they are being drug down the rabbit hole of mutilation, harm and regret.

My demons and Facebook were also in cahoots, making me feel worse every day. People are selective about what they share online. Users on Facebook project a happier life than the one they’re really living. "Likes" on Facebook are addictive, they can release dopamine to make us feel good. Something my ADHD brain loved. Sometimes, when I‘d post something and no one interacted with it, I’d feel deflated. If someone posted something joyous, I’d feel jealous. When I saw my friends post about gatherings I wasn’t at, I wasn't invited too, it sometimes would make me feel despondent. This was especially true, when I saw friends that Trevor and I once shared together, off on "group" holiday excursions. Excursions, that I sometimes wished that Sam and I could have been a part of. The one thing I never imagined after losing Trevor, would be the loss of friendships that spanned over 20 years. But, here we are!

It’s been around two months since I’ve been off Facebook and it’s such a liberating feeling to be able to breathe again. Do you know the saying that ignorance is bliss? It really is. Not knowing EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON, can be very freeing. I’m not saying to be oblivious and not keep up with the news, but do it selectively and from sources, you trust and know. Plus, avoid reading all the comments and all the conspiracies. It will only make you angry, and rest assured that you won’t change anyone’s mind by trying to reason with them.

It’s hard to be completely honest about the reasons why I use Facebook. It requires taking a long hard look at myself and accepting the hard truths that reflect poorly upon me. That I can be selfish, and maybe a part of me is in some way narcissistic?? That sometimes the opinions of strangers mattered more to me, than those I take for granted. That I find it comforting to dictate conversations. Facebook allows me to determine when I communicate, what I communicate, and what I will listen to. It makes me desperately unhappy to write these words. These are some of the reasons I suspect, why so many of us disappear into our phones during actual social situations, like family dinners out, date nights, when we should be watching our kids play sports instead of being on our phones. In comparison to Facebook, real life can be and feel like a chaotic mess. Crucially, one must abandon a certain level of personal control in order to participate. While scrolling Facebook, we are the masters of our own social universe; and we construct that universe meticulously don't we?

On some fundamental, sub-conscious level we all understand that social media, in particular Facebook, is an unnatural method of communicating with other human beings. A better way of putting it, "Facebook is fucked." Facebook encourages narcissism, anxiety and refresh refresh refresh. FOMO <Fear of missing Out> is real, but sometimes it’s better to miss out than to lose yourself in the online chaos. Like most addicts, I constantly underestimated the impact my bad habit was having upon myself and the people around me. I procrastinated with Facebook, but it also sucked up much of my free time. Also, our mental health is important for our well-being, so make sure you are putting yourself above anything else; above social media platforms, like Facebook.

For the longest time I’d been extremely defensive about my use of Facebook, but with the loss of my personal Facebook page, came a personal realization. Two actually.

The first: Facebook was making me unhappy and my behaviour was compulsive. It was a bizarre habit and it was actually making me anxious, and more sad.

The second: Facebook was stopping me from doing other things. Most importantly it was literally stealing time from me, my family, and messing with my mental health and my ADHD.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been able to look after myself, invest time into things that I love <hello Mexican holiday>, take better care of the household and farm chores, spend more time walking out in nature and with my animals, and I have had more meaningful conversations with my husband. This time literally didn’t exist before, but now it does. I literally drew this time away from the Facebook void, and my life feels more fulfilling as a result. It’s almost terrifying really.

These benefits also transferred to my work-life. I am finding my way back to Entrepreneurship. I have good reason for this, but I also recognize that in my new line of work, there would be numerous benefits to remaining active on Facebook. Still, I am going to believe in myself, my reputation, my ability to market my business outside of having a personal Facebook page, and I am excited about what the future holds for myself and my family. I also couldn’t believe how productive I have been without Facebook. It wasn’t just the fact that the Facebook tab was removed from my browser, it was the knowledge that — with my account de-activated, there are no notifications for me to check, no conversations to contribute to. Nothing. To me, Facebook literally does not exist. I cannot explain how liberating that feels. No exposure to arguments in comments, blaming, or shaming. No negativity leaking through the cracks of my iPhone.

The knowledge that I don't exist in Facebook is powerful. My photos are not being looked at, my statuses are not being read, discussed or ‘liked’. My online existence is currently locked in a temporary stasis; a comforting oblivion if you will, a blank zen like state. And the realization: none of this fucking even matters. The longer you stay away, the less important Facebook feels. Your photos don’t matter. Those petty little arguments in the comments don’t matter. Those likes and loves and laughs from the complete strangers you’re trying to impress.......don’t fucking matter.

Last week I took some beautiful photographs of my husband Sam and I on vacation in Mexico. I didn’t upload them. We had an amazing time on holiday, and I didn’t feel compelled to share that with Facebook strangers or my Facebook friends. As we drove home from the airport, my husband told me that this holiday was most fun that we’d had in quite awhile. That didn’t feel like a coincidence. He is right, and I feel content.

The years of Facebook have had my mind elsewhere, on the discussions I was having, the businesses I was building, and all the comments I have made, along with the thousands of days spent dreaming up the perfect post, the perfect retort. My recent contentment, has morphed into a tremendous sense of guilt; and I have found myself this week, mourning for the all years, days, hours and minutes, I had allowed to just slip away. The pages of Facebook are not filled with daily realities or true friends; they are filled only with false hope, lies, consumerism, influencers and advertisers, distractions, depression, sadness, harassment, bullying, and a never ending desire to "BE SEEN". For some, this won't be easy to hear, and many will not even believe this to be true, but you WILL NEVER BE SEEN on the pages of your Facebook and your Facebook posts. As an activist, influencer, daily poster on Facebook for over 20 years, no-one has noticed my absence the last two months. I am not missed. This comes as no surprise to me. Facebook is not a place where you will be seen!! Social Media Platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube are a place where you are seen, but you will never "BE SEEN"! There is a difference. BEING SEEN, provides us with much needed human connection with those around us. Being seen, makes us feel loved. The desire to be seen is a fundamental aspect of human nature. Being seen by others validates our existence and helps us feel connected to the world around us. It can also boost our self-esteem and sense of worth. Additionally, being seen fosters understanding and empathy. The desire to be seen is a universal human need for connection. It is impossible to feel this connection with another human being that you can not touch. It is impossible for you to see your life long partner, your family, your friends, when your head is buried in your phone or computer.

Feeling seen by others is a basic human need. Its basis is evolutionary: If your tribe didn’t see you, there was a risk you’d be left behind when the nomadic life of early humans dictated they move, and being alone equated to death. If other tribes didn’t see and respect you and your tribe, they were likely to invade your territory, take your resources, and leave you and your family to die. In the ancient part of our brains, not being seen is equivalent to being sentenced to death. Facebook, for some is a death sentence, for others, it will become one. Break away from it now, and go find your tribe!!

Try deactivating your Facebook account, and gift yourself a good vacation! <You can thank me later> <3